Anime Skate Night (March 25) is soon and instead of Ringo, I'm going as Akito since there's already a Ringo. That just means buying a wig, fabrics, sewing it all...more or less spending a lot more money.
Kiro really wants me to go as..him, so I guess I will. I hope I do a good job though. >___< Then I have to help Adam with Ikki and Tina with Ume.

Ai-Kon '08 (July 25-27) is going to roll by fast I'm sure. I had a couple of things I had set in stone, but even that's started to change.
- I seem to have been thrown into doing a Naruto, team Hebi cosplay. Adam H is going as Sasuke, Kiro's going as Suigetsu and I'm going as Karin..that means I'm going to have to redo the shirt (since I did a horrible job).
- I volunteered as going as Shinku from Rozen Maiden since there's going to be a photoshoot. I'm not sure if I'm still up for that. I'd have to get the wig and contacts. =___=;
- Since KT's going as Orihime (Bleach) I may as well go as Rukia. Maybe I can rope Adam H in to go as Ichigo.
- Since she's also going as Lacus (Gundam Seed Destiny) I may go as Cagalli. Edgar said he'd go as Athrun and John might go as Kira.
- Because of Edgar's apparent love for the new RPG, No More Heroes, he's been wanting to go as Henry. I'm trying to convince Adam to go as Travis cause I know he'd do a good job, and I'm thinking I should either go as Dr.Naomi, Bad Girl or Sylvia.
- a ghost (Pacman) cause Edgar wants to go as Pacman

So, all in all, ideas are:
etched in stone: Karin
rough ideas: Shinku, Rukia, Cagalli, Dr.Naomi/Bad Girl/Sylvia, ghost.

-----

Life Update:

Things have been alright. Tomorrow will be me and Edgar's 4 month anniversary yay! Yes, I actually have a boyfriend haha.

University has been uneventful. It's a whole bunch of courses I don't care for. I realized I have no idea what I want to do in life.

Hmmm...well that's pretty much it. XD

Oh! And I need to get a job, haha.

Some pictures of the photoshoot on Sunday. I didn't go because I was working on Obito and Karin...

http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v113/CanuckCroft/Naruto%20Photoshoot%202007/

http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v82/Serenity_Briefs/Naruto%202007%20Shoot/

http://s197.photobucket.com/albums/aa16/Kranix/Naruto%20BBQ%20Photoshoot%202007/

----

On the bright side, I finished Obito and Karin's costumes. In two days. There's another photoshoot held this friday, but I'm unsure if I'm going. If I do I may go as Shippuden Sasuke.

The costumes I have to finish by next year's Ai-Kon are:
- Kyouya
- Shippuden Sasuke
- Riku
- Shinku
- Kanaria
- Mad Hatter
- Misa
- Vivi

So far I have a total of 6 cosplays for next year's Ai-Kon....

-Time Skip Sasuke (Naruto Shippuden)
-Karin (Naruto..manga)
-Kyouya Ootori (Ouran High School Host Club)
-Shinku (Rozen Maiden) - for a photoshoot (if they can find another Shinku, I'll let that person go as her instead)
-Organization XIII Riku (Kingdom Hearts 2) - for a possible photoshoot
-Misa (DeathNote) - for another possible photoshoot

Bold = for sure

I still have to make Tina's cosplays...

-Vivi (Final Fantasy + Kingdom Hearts 2)
-Kanaria (Rozen Maiden)

And Adam's

-Obito (Naruto: Kakashi Gaiden)

Sigh, I need a job.

Ai-Kon 2007 proved to be the best convention yet. With each year it seems to be growing, so this year was especially huge. It even made front page on the Sun the following day, haha. It's aggravating how Jeremy and Stephanie were in the paper when they're cosplays weren't even...cosplays. He was wearing jeans and she was cosplaying as a Sakura that didn't exist.

I wish that Katmurz was in the paper. She put SO much work into her cosplay rather than buying it like they did. It's annoying because people who cosplay from Naruto only get acknowledged while she cosplayed as Abel from Trinity Blood.

Sadly this year I spent more time in the hotel room working on my cosplays than in the convention itself. Haha, lots of last minute work.

I was pretty happy because this year I had people to cosplay as. John went as Kyo Sohma and Edgar went as Yuki Sohma. I went as Kagura Sohma and ANBU Itachi. =) Edgar also went as a Tetris block which surprised me. He made that costume in 4 hours I think. A lot of people had no idea who he was and had to ask. Lots of people asked for hugs from him.

I have a lot of cosplays planned out for Ai-Kon 2008 and maybe Anime North (held in Toronto) if I'm lucky.

All I have to worry about for now is the Naruto Photo shoot and who I'm going to be for it. So far I'm thinking I'll go as Sasuke (regular). Kiro's going as Itachi and Ashley's going as SNJ Itachi so they both want me to go as Sasuke.

It's on the 26th, so it looks like I have some time. I'll post some pictures after! =D

I made a promise to someone that if we're 40 and still not married, we'd get married to each other. It's not one of those stupid promises-well actually it is, but I can imagine life with him. It wouldn't be so bad. XD

him: how would you imagine life with me? o-o
me: no idea. XD
you'd be a lawyer and everything--and I'd be some housewife at home. just dusting..and vacuuming...and attempting to cook. I'd make dinner, but you don't come home til like midnight cause you're working so much, so I fall asleep at the kitchen table waiting cause you don't call. D:
and to make things worse, the house is big and we don't have any kids XD

Err...just a scenario that ran though my head. XD If we did get married, that would be too funny.

Jeez, I've managed to use $50+ USD on eBay alone today..

$10.99 on the Ouran patch
$8.95 on the Ouran tie
$4.95 on the Naruto pouch

Of course that's not counting shipping & handling...

The con's in 11 days, so when I asked if there was any way I could speed up the delivery, they said it would cost an additional $15 otherwise it would take 10-12 days on average. So, I splurged. Well, looks like I'm going to be broke for a long time afterwards..

I still need to buy (estimated at)
- A blue blazer (>$10)
- Orange fabric (>$8)
- Red ribbon (>$4)
- Glasses/Clip board (>$3: from Dollarama)

So all in all, 25 more dollars.

Aside from more hunting, I still have to sew Kagura's dress, shirt and ANBU Itachi's vest and arm guards.

Siigh, no one said cosplaying would be easy...

1) ANBU Itachi
mask, shirt, vest, pants, shoes, gloves, hat, arm guards, sword, bandages
2) Kyouya Ootori
blazer, patch, dress shirt, glasses, pants, black dress shoes, black tie, clip board
3) Kagura Sohma
green dress, white shirt, black tights, brown boots, Kyo backpack

For Ai-Kon this year I have three cosplays I'm hoping to finish.

1) ANBU Itachi
mask, shirt, vest, pants, shoes, gloves, arm guards, sword, bandages
2) Kyouya Ootori
blazer, patch, dress shirt, glasses, pants, black dress shoes, tie, clip board
3) Kagura Sohma
green dress, white shirt, black tights, brown boots, Kyo backpack

I have around 16 more days til the Con. I hope I can pull this off. I ordered the Ouran patch so tomorrow I'll send a money order over. The guy (Kscriv) said that it took a week to deliver, so I should be okay.

I was always planning on going as Itachi since two years ago. Kagura and Kyouya were thrown in last minute. I'm only going as Kyouya because Kscriv is going as Tamaki and I think we're the only ones cosplaying from Ouran and Kagura because John is going as Kyo. Also, Edgar jumped on the bandwagon and is planning on going as Hatori!

Kyouya's hair is going to be a pain since my hair is already pretty long. Since he's a guy and all he has short hair. I may have to tie mine in a ponytail and pin it or something. ==;

Did you:

1.) Graduate? I will officially in 2 days or so.
2.) Fail anything? Nope.
3.) Almost fail anything? Hahah, yes!
4.) Get straight A's? Um, no.
5.) Get straight C's? Maybe! =D
6.) Find anything growing in your locker? The one with Monika, yes. What is it? I don't know...

What was your:

7.) Favourite subject? English.
8.) Favourite teacher? Hard to pick...Tabak?
9.) Highest grade? 86%.
10.) Lowest grade? 50%. Hahah.
11.) Best memory of 2006/2007? All of April..
12.) Worst memory of 2006/2007? Last week of school.
13.) Biggest regret? Believing in things I shouldn't believe. Not trying harder.
14.) Biggest accomplishment? Um, getting accepted into the UofW?
15.) Biggest failure? Almost failing a course. Failing a potential romance?

Do you:

16.) Wish you could do it all over again? In some ways, yes.
17.) Wish you did better? Of course.
18.) Regret not asking that certain sombody out? No.
19.) Regret not spending more time with that certain somebody? Yes.
20.) Think your crush liked you back at some point throughout the year? I did. Hell, was I wrong.
21.) Think you left a lasting impression on your teachers? Hahah, in a bad way, yes.
22.) Think you made a good name for yourself? It's ok.
23.) Think people look up to you? Nah.

Are you:

24.) Finished high school? I sure hope so.
25.) If not, how many more years? See above.
26.) If so, are you glad? Yes.
27.) Going back to school in the fall? Yup.
28.) Scared? Kind of.
29.) Going to tell everyone how you feel about them on the last day of school? No. That's overrated.
30.) Going to tell that special somebody how you feel about them? No.

Were you:

31.) The nerd of the school? No.
32.) The popular kid? No.
33.) Hated? Probably by some.
34.) Loved? Probably by some.
35.) Always seen with the opposite sex? Um..I'm seen with Pedro sometimes.
36.) Slutty? No.
37.) Smart? Not at all.
38.) Dumb? Sort of.
39.) Part of every extracurricular group? Never.
40.) A drama queen? Yes, kind of.
41.) Made fun of a lot? By Pedro, yes.
42.) The one making fun of others? Well, when it comes to one person.
43.) The know it all? Hardly.
44.) A trouble maker? Hahah, no.

Finally:

45.) What are your plans for the future? Don't know. Finish U1 then figure it out one step at a time.
46.) Do you ever see yourself marrying your high school sweetheart? No.
47.) Are you going to miss your school? I think I never will.
48.) Do you miss it already? Never.
49.) Did you fall in love this year? Did I?
50.) Are you going to cry at your grad ceremony? Who knows. Maybe, maybe not.

I learned today that I have an extremely bad habit of cramming last second.

Since I'm a lazy procrastinator, I went to sleep at around 8PM and woke up at 10PM. Then I studied for my chemistry exam which is the day after. Since I already slept I'm not going to sleep again. I'll just stay up and study as long as I have to.

It is now 3AM. I really am crazy. The caffeine doesn't make me any more sane. It is helping me stay up though.

Don't worry, I know everything relatively okay except for the last unit we learned which is, acid base. I don't know electrolysis so well either.

As of now I'm reviewing all chapters, then going to see the practice exam. Aka chemistry exam review. Which is VERY similar to the exam because Mr.Woo tends to do that. The "practices" are exactly identical to the tests. One unit I didn't do any work, so the night before I studied all day and went over solely on the examples. On the test the next day I got an 85%. Not bad if I do say so myself.

Hey, Pedro's my hamster's awake. I should go bother him.

As for Grad I'm sitting at table 46 I believe with: Krystyna, Karen, Krystal, her parents and Pedro. All in all making about..7 people. I wanted to sit near Dmytro. He's probably at a far away table, haha.

Alright, update tomorrow about my exam.

Pre Cal is officially over.

It's strange, but I felt like the exam wasn't as bad as I initially thought it'd be. The problem is within the hour-calculator part I got stuck on a question so I ran out of time. I missed out on a question. Something with tan in it. Everything else was relatively okay. Staying up late last night and studying did pay off. I never understood double angle identities until yesterday.

It felt so good to get over with it. Afterwards me and Angie went to Pho Nam 1. A Vietnamese restaurant downtown. The food there is amazing. We had three orders: chow mein, mixed noodles with fried tofu and vegetables and lemon chicken. At first I didn't think it would be enough, but it turned out to be more than we could eat.

I'm really happy Pre Cal is over, but now I have to worry about Physics, Chemistry and Psychology. Mostly Chemistry though. I still haven't handed in the research lab..Which is probably due tomorrow. More than anything, I'm worried about getting my volunteer hours.

I don't see why we need volunteer hours. To show we're good Samaritans or something? It's ridiculous.

So I've got two exams left. Friday and Monday. Chemistry and Physics. Looks like this week is going to be the hardest.

I feel like I'm okay. I feel like I'm getting better if even a little bit.

I don't care what anyone says. He was my reason to be happy. He was my reason to get up every morning. I don't expect anyone to understand that.

Here We Are by Breaking Benjamin

Sing it for me,
I can't erase the stupid things I say.
You're better than me,
I struggle just to find a better way.

So here we are, fighting and trying to hide the scars.
I'll be home tonight, take a breath and softly say goodbye.
The lonely road, the one that I should try to walk alone.
I'll be home tonight, take a breath and softly say goodbye.

You wouldn't like me.
Keep moving on until forever ends.
Don't try to fight me.
The beauty queen has lost her crown again.

So here we are, fighting and trying to hide the scars.
I'll be home tonight, take a breath and softly say goodbye.
The lonely road, the one that I should try to walk alone.
I'll be home tonight, take a breath and softly say goodbye.

...goodbye.

So why are you so eager to betray?
Pick the pieces up, pick the pieces up.
So why are you the one that walks away?
Pick the pieces up, pick the pieces up, pick the pieces up.

O-oh.

So here we are, fighting and trying to hide the scars.
I'll be home tonight, take a breath and softly say goodbye.
The lonely road, the one that I should try to walk alone.
I'll be home tonight, take a breath and softly say goodbye.

Just take a breath and softly say goodbye.

I don't know how to feel. Everything seems to meaningless and hollow. I know I shouldn't say that, because I know you all think I'm over exaggerating. Maybe I am. But to me it doesn't seem that way because I know the entire story.

I feel like I lost my reason. My reason to get up in the morning. My reason to do well in school. My reason to be happy. I know I sound pathetic.

I don't understand what exactly went wrong. Why I couldn't be stronger? Why it has to be this way? Why is he leaving it just like this? I just don't understand.

As of now I have to find my reason. But before I can, I have to find who I am first..

I suddenly feel like I want to change everything about me. I just hate everything about me. My hopes, my dreams, my fears, my past. There's nothing about me left that I actually do like.

If I can't be as happy as I was, then why should I be the same person? Why should I act the same when I know what happiness feels like--and just what I'm losing out on? How am I supposed to act like everythings fine when it's not?

I hate me for thinking I was happy. For believing that I could really be with him. For wearing my heart out on my sleeve. For believing in something just to get let down. For being so emotionally unstable.

Now all I'm left with is an empty shell. There's nothing inside anymore. Everythings become so numb that I don't feel anything anymore. I don't care about anything. Life. School. Me. There is no such thing as me. Because what I thought was me was actually him & me. Now that he's gone, what exactly can be defined as "me"?

What am I when my memories are gone? When I'm supposed to lock them up and forget about everything I knew? Everything I built my world around? I thought I found me. I thought I finally figured out who I was--but I guess not.

How long does it take for me to find out who I really am? Because as of now, I don't know.

I wish I was someone else. Someone completely different. I wish I wasn't here. I wish I changed everything about me so he wouldn't recognize me anymore. So I couldn't recognize him & me anymore. So I can pick up the pieces and move on.

I constantly have to remind myself;
that if we're meant to be, then things will work out--then things can wait.
It's okay.
Anything worthwhile is worth fighting for.
Never ever ever give up.
You gotta take a chance on something sometime.
You did your best.
You're fine.
Move on.

But then something else would seep into my mind, like a mantra I couldn't get rid of.
You can't live without him.
Why did you give up?
You had one change at happiness and you threw it away.
It's over.
This is your fault.
Things will never be the same.
Look back.

I don't know which side I'm believing. I don't know which side I'm listening to. It's a mix between both, but I think the latter is winning. I can't help but feel like I can't move on. Like it is all my fault. Like I let it all slip away. Like I'm a failure. Like I hurt him.

Every second he's on my mind. So what am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to forget about "me" when I can't?

Wow, there's a restaurant in Portland where you sit down at a table (with 45 people, who presumably, you don't know) and you pass down the food you're served. There's no ordering and you simply eat what the chefs had made.

Of course you pay at the end, but just the thought of sitting down with people you don't know and treating them like family is amazing. Must be very interactive. Sounds like a nice community.

If you truly love someone, do you want them to be happy even if it means letting them go, or do you want to keep them all for yourself because you can't live without them?

Interest has starting building up on the idea of having a Host Club...

If that's the case I'm cosplaying as Kyouya for sure!
Kscriv is being Tamaki.
-
Some cosplayers have volunteered in being hosts and showing con-goers around, so it seems like we'll have a good amount.

That's all we have on the "for sures". I'm hoping people support the idea so maybe we can pull it off. The general idea of the Host Club is either;

a) To show the new con-goers around. Anyone who has been to the con before and, preferably is cosplaying, (just for excitement) wants to show someone around can come down and sign up as a host.
Then, once the people who are new to the con come and sign up, you can have groups or pairs go out every hour or two for the first afternoon to show the newcomers what the con is all about.

b) An Ouran host club with exclusively Ouran characters, having tea and stuff with girls.

c)And, one where you sign up put your age and interests and stuff and they pair you up with someone (be cool if they could be cosplaying from your fav series) to hang out with for a bit and then if you become friends, you keep hanging out, or, if not, you can go and look for other people to hang out with.

It's amazing how three words can make your day. <3 Or how three hours with someone can affect your week and can motivate and inspire you.

Happiness is one touch. Happiness is once glance. Happiness is one smile. Happiness is one chance.

Oh, I've learned that I'm passing math! Haha yes, for me that is good news. I'm just naturally stupid so when I heard I wasn't failing, I was happy.

Reality is a harsh thing.

For the long weekend, I went to Minnesota. Just for the special occasion, we rented a van which is amazing. Dodge Caravan I think it is.

Instead of going to the Mall of America, we ended up going to Albertsville. It was a let-down at first, but the shopping selection there was amazing. Ralph Lauren, Sketchers, Adidas, Puma, CK, Nike..a lot of brand names were there. It wasn't an mall, but rather an outlet so my feet hurt so much after. In that day I ended up buying four pairs of shoes. The day before I bought two shoes I may use for grad. That is, if I find out which one is better.

I'm too tired to go into details, but all in all it was fun. It was nice to get away for awhile and just enjoy myself. It's nice to know someone missed me while I was gone. It just makes me ridiculously happy.

However, I have a pre cal test tomorrow and even though I did the assigned work, I forgot for the most part how to do things...Bleh, time to study.

Reality really is harsh.

After spending an entire day with Alex I realized that it's okay to be happy. It's okay to meet new people and try new things. It's okay to forget about the things that get you down and just enjoy being with someone.

( LOVE~(^▽^(^▽^*)~ )


I don't know, it's just nice being with him.

Hah.

Things have took a turn for the better. I have no regrets with what I did or what's become of me. It's because of others that I've turned out to be this. I'm sick of people blaming me for their choices and decisions. I don't care, so don't bring it up. The path you took is the path you took. It wasn't my choice nor decision, so don't bother me about it.

Besides, I'm so much happier now. Granted cynical, but happier ten-fold. Life is just so much better now.